I am tired today, well, most days. It is not that I don’t love my job or that it doesn’t make me come alive, but it does take a lot out of me. I find myself often caught in a paradox. This paradox I find explained well by one of my heroes, GK Chesterton. He says, “We need to be happy in this wonderland without once being merely comfortable.”Â
Uncomfortable happiness is the way a missionary. Living on the frontlines is a life only for those given the grace to persevere. My time as a missionary has been a deeper understanding that Christ comes with a Cross. A Beautiful Cross! But still a Cross.
 A teammate of mine and I were talking recently and I told her, I can’t remember the last time I had a good day. It is not that I am not happy or joyful. It is that my days are no longer good or bad, they are faithful or not faithful. My moods often change, I get scared, overwhelmed, and excited all in the same hour. I take charge and retreat within the same day. I find glory and failings in my daily life each week. Life is uncomfortable and happy all in the same moment.Â
My friends, this is the great call of a Christian, who by nature of his baptism has a missionary soul. Life is not going to be easy. Life will be adventurous, tragic, and enchanting, but not easy. Easy is boring. Easy leads to the path of destruction. Our eyes are on Someone greater. And my friends, that is why I am happy.Â
4 responses so far ↓
1 Kelly // Mar 28, 2007 at 2:01 am
I have also found in my first year as a missionary that Christ has to remind me over and over that I cannot be drawn closer to Him without also being drawn closer to His Cross. We worship a crucified AND risen Savior.
I love what you said about judging a day as “faithful or not faithful.” I didn’t know how to describe it in such a concise way, but I have had that feeling where my pride is crushed, I’m tired, lonely, and stressed and yet it is still a “good” day because I knew I worked hard to fight the good fight in the hours given me.
Random thought: Can you imagine what our close friendships would be like if we all responded with “faithful” or “not so faithful” to the common evening question, “How was your day?” I bet it would spark some interesting conversations.
2 Jack // Mar 28, 2007 at 3:40 am
AMEN. That is why we have great friends/discplers to push us in our comforts so that we may achieve this Uncomfortable Happiness. May God bless us and make us strong in our weeknesses and humble in our strengths.
3 Mary Fisher // Mar 31, 2007 at 1:22 am
I am grateful for your thoughts, Nathan. Refreshing. Gives me an extra push to be excellent.
4 Joe H. // Apr 2, 2007 at 4:12 am
I agree Nathan…there’s nothing quite like going to bed tired.
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